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How did I get from having hate and anger towards God to love and admiration, being truly inspired by how mighty God is? Well, it all started with realizing being angry all the time was not the person I wanted to be. This actually reminded me of a quote in the movie A Walk to Remember by Warner Home Video. There is a part of this movie that gets me every time when Mandy Moore tells the love of her life that “that she is sick, and she has leukemia and says that she does not want to have a reason to be mad at God.” That was me I did not want to have any more reasons to be angry at God because all the anger was doing was making me bitter. I still was hurt and was still really struggling with prayer until I started reading the book The Shack and then after watching the movie which is truly incredible (The Shack [DVD]).
These books and this movie definitely changes your perspective on things especially when you try to judge everything so much like I did. As humans we are very judgemental of other humans but not only that we are very judgemental of God. Who are we to judge God? Who never once blinked an eye at every mistake, at every lie, at every little thing we could do to turn our backs on him. Not once does he ever say “You are no longer my child.” He loves us so unconditionally no matter what we do. Now I don’t know about you, but that right there is true love, a love so unconditional that he would ask his son to give up his life to save us. Gives me cold chills just thinking about it. I could never sacrifice one of my own, for the sin that someone else continues to commit.
This brings me to a part of the movie that really cut at my heartstrings. There is a father of a little girl that is so incredibly angry and mad at God, he has turned his back on the Lord. So he is standing in some cave and his kids come out of nowhere standing in front of him “Pick which one you would send to hell and which one you would let go to heaven.” This was said by a woman that sat in front of him in this cave. Now if this was said to you, would you be able to choose? I wouldn’t think so either, we have to love both our children unconditionally. The father stands there and says “I can’t do it, I won’t do it.” Then the woman in front of him says something along the lines of “it isn’t so easy now, is it? so why are you mad at God when you now know it isn’t easy for him to do either?” She goes on saying “God has to do this every single day.” NOw for me, I cannot even imagine how God feels knowing he gave us free will and we have a choice to choose heaven or hell. When one of his children choose a different path of free will instead of spending eternity with him in paradise.
I will never ever know that feeling, and that is when I decided right then and there he knows what is best for me and he has a plan. I was going to officially take myself out of the judge’s seat, return the gavel right back to him and go on living my life in every way I can to please him. We have no idea how long we have in this life of ours. Our lives could be over in a blink of an eye, God knows the exact day and time. So why not let him walk this life with you? I promise you, you won’t regret it. Just remember “People will always disappoint you but God never will.”